Why Conservatives Always Lose

Every time I hear a conservative politician, I’m reminded not just why I don’t vote for them, but why I don’t vote at all.

I defy anyone to look at our modern institutions and point to even one that hasn’t shifted to the left over the past 100 years. Even the churches are now just Meetup groups based in tilt slab warehouses, full of jeans-wearing nobodies singing along to vaguely religious pop music as some guy at the front explains why Jesus was a gay, feminist activist who hated the “patriarchy.” If this is victory, I’d hate to see defeat. What have conservatives ever conserved?

I’m not the first to ask that question. But the real question is: do conservatives understand how power works? And the answer to that is a resounding: no.

Let’s make things crystal clear. The left is only interested in power as an end and doesn’t care about anything else, although it pretends to. On the other hand, the right is only interested in power as a means, not an end. This mathematics means the left wins over time and the right always loses.

The problem with thinking of power as a means is that the right considers all issues as an end. When you push for free speech or lower taxes, you are simply asking the left for a fraction of power so you can do something “good.” It’s a bit like a teenager arguing to stay up 15 minutes later to watch TV.

But if, like every teenager, you have no power at all, then the only thing you should be pushing for is to get more power; otherwise, you are trying to use something that you don’t have yet. Not only will you fail to use your slice of power, you will fail to capture any real power at all. Do you see?

The point of having a small amount of power is not to do “good things.” The point is to build more power. Invest your money, don’t spend it. This is something the left understands perfectly. Every leftist policy generates as much extra power as possible. Climate change is wonderful because it lets progressives spend $50 billion on anything they want to control every aspect of the Earth. That’s what power looks like.

Conservatives should be trying to understand what leftist progressives are doing and why they’re doing it: 1) they know the purpose of power is to get more power, and 2) they know politics is about uniting a group of people who want to rule. That’s it. That’s their entire playbook.

If you agree to play a game, don’t complain about the rules. Because if you aren’t cheating, you aren’t playing hard enough. I’m sorry if this doesn’t sound “nice.” I’m just telling you how things are. A Machiavellian focuses on winning power. So, when you have no power (and conservatives have no power), then all your actions should not be to use power, but to gain power.

The reason progressivism works is that each of its ideas yields a power dividend. Is it “good” to cool the Earth? Maybe, maybe not. But if cooling the Earth lets you spend $50 billion on anything you want, then cooling the Earth becomes very important in your mind. I’m sure a lot of progressives truly believe in climate change, but the reason they’re telling you about it is that climate change has a power dividend.

Conservatives, on the other hand, think about power in the way a crackhead who hasn’t had any crack for a month thinks about little pieces of sand on the floor. They don’t think of it as a contest. And after all these years, it is abundantly clear that conservatives don’t actually want power. They wouldn’t mind authority, but responsibility and accountability are not part of their lives.

First of all, conservatives are virgins with respect to responsibility and accountability because they have never been in a position where they were generally responsible for other people in that way. It is terrifying to have responsibility and accountability, and it should be terrifying. Why would anyone want these things? Being in such a position means you are constantly being forced to experience the consequences of everything you do that doesn’t work. That’s how you become a mature leader.

I am not saying the left is responsible, far from it. I am simply saying that conservatives are not ready for power in the same way a 6-year-old is not ready to drive a car. They have no clue how to get the keys to the car. What would they do with the car if they got it? Where would they take the car? How would they live their life if they had the keys and could drive the car every day? Actual power is a very long distance away that cannot be traversed by anyone who does not deserve power.

But let’s say you do deserve power. You’re confident, you know what you want, and you know how to get there. In that case, if you win a little bit of power by winning an election, your goal should not be to use Parliament to do good things. Maybe doing good things will help gain more power, but Machiavelli would say: once you have absolute power, you can do all the good things you like.

So, the conservatives’ actual goal should always be to defeat their political enemies because politics is a continuation of war, as Clausewitz said. Again, I’m sorry if this sounds “icky,” but you either want power or you don’t. The fundamental focus of any conflict is to win. And the more you win, the better.

Winning means defeating your enemy. This doesn’t mean killing people, it means defeating their ideology and reconciling their people to your side. Unless you have a plan for what to do when you get power, you really shouldn’t try to get it. Said differently, if you know you’re going to lose a war, you should never start one. I don’t think Machiavelli says this because it’s too obvious. Conservatism is a doomed project, and when you participate in a doomed project, you are violating the military maxim of: don’t reinforce failure.

For Machiavelli, whoever wins is whoever ends up in the palace. “Winning” does not imply cosmic justice. By thinking in a Machiavellian way, you are running a constant script asking if every move makes your side stronger and the other side weaker. That’s the only mathematics that matters.

Conservatives always lose because they don’t know how to use power when they get it. I understand the frustration. But if you didn’t want Brennus to toss his sword on the scales and say “via victus” (woe to the defeated), maybe conservatives should have won the battle. Maybe you should have worked harder before the election.

And yet, the right can’t be the left. The right’s approach to gaining power can’t be anything like the left’s approach. It must be different in every sense. Burke and Maistre both use the analogy where the left is a butcher, and the right is a surgeon. Each side uses sharp knives, but the knife of a surgeon cuts as carefully and as little as possible, while the butcher just likes cutting. The left’s pathological enjoyment of cutting has really been on display lately, if you haven’t noticed.

Burke said that the state should operate on its people like a surgeon operates on the body of his own father. Conservatives know it’s not a good idea to cut into your own parents wantonly, but if they need their appendix out, then you must operate.

In other words, if you are contesting for sovereignty, do not pretend to do so. Get it done correctly or don’t try at all. You wouldn’t give your car keys to a 6-year-old, so why give command of a country to modern conservatives? They have a lot of learning to do.